Candace's Mad, Mad Summer
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Major AU! What if the ultimate prankster was sicced on Candace throughout the Summer? What if he was just the herald for darker times to come? Would this high-strung teen be able to protect everyone?...Vegas says no...
1. Chapter 1

**Candace's Mad, Mad Summer**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

inside a dilapidated antique shop...an old monkey puppet gathers dust...a shadow appears...and snaps it's fingers-

 **POOF!**

"YES! I'M FREE! FINALLY! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! I'M- The monkey King trailed off at the sight of his 'liberator'...and for the first time in years...he knew FEAR.

"Uh...in second thought...the puppet gig wasn't half bad! Lot's of good views plenty of 'me time'...I think I'll just go back and-

Before the Monkey King could run...the Shadow enveloped him and whisked him away while he screamed...

...

-And if you go, can you see if Jeremy is there? No, no, he's the cute one that works at Mr. Slushy Burger...Yeah, he totally smiled at me the last time I was there. I just about died. No, I told you I can't, I'm watching my brother and step-brother." A teenager named Candace blabbed away on her phone...oblivious of her surroundings...and of who was watching...

"So...just hassle this girl all Summer...and you'll let me go?" Asked The Monkey King to clarify. The Eldritch abomination smirked, **"Yes, simple as that- Oh! Showtime! Don't miss your que!"**

"What are doing right now? Why do you ask? What do you mean you can see it from your house? See what?!" Shouted Candace suddenly, she quickly ran outside-

 **POOF!**

Candace stares in horror at the giant roller-coaster before her, " Phineas, what is this?!" She Demanded. Her brothers turned to answer to her...then immediately vomited and turned away.

"GAH! Candace what are you doing!? At least cover yourself!" Exclaimed Phineas. "I SOOOOO didn't need to see that..." Groaned Ferb.

Candace frowned, "Cover myself? What are you- Then she looks down...and goes bright pink! SHE WAS NAKED!"

Invisible to all, the Monkey king laughed while eating a banana and throwing away the peel...

Candace covered herself and screamed! She turned to run back inside...but the screen door was now shut! And locked! "Phineas and Ferb! You did this, didn't you!?" She snapped enraged.

"WHAT!? EW! NO! Candace, we'd never- "I'm gonna tell Mom! and when she sees what you're doing, you are going down! Down! Down! Down! D-O-W-N, down!" Interrupts Candace angrily...then looks down flustered... "Uh...after I put on clothes." She added mortified.

She quickly ran to the fence, planning on quickly streaking to the front door before anyone- Candace! Wait! We-

Candace threw open the fence door...and found herself facing a hundred or so kids. -invited the neighborhood to come play..." Finished Phineas awkwardly...

Candace screamed as she was overwhelmed by laughter and pictures and tried to run away-

 **Slip!**

Only to slip on a banana peel, fly through the air and land upside down in an oncoming roller coaster cart that immediately zoomed away...

The monkey King laughed, "You can't beat the classics!" He quipped...and the day wasn't over yet...

...…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**Candace's Mad, Mad Summer ch. 2  
**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

Candace screamed as she hung on to dear life from the roller coaster as she zoomed all across town...giving everyone a nice front row seat of her nudity-

"Oh, man! I'm already getting over a million hits on my recording!"

"I'm adding fart noises to mine!"

"Forget the internet! Pay-per-view has already bought my video!"

"Yikes, flat chested much?" "I know, I thought she was a dude at first, almost!"

Candace, could somehow hear all this as she was whizzing past-

The monkey king smiled as he kept the magic to her ears flowing...

-and her face was hot with tears and shame...which was unfortunate, because the lapse in concentration caused her to let go and crash into a bunch of Garbage cans in a nearby alley.

Candace moaned..then lit up when she saw she was near the market that mom was at! "I may have lost my dignity...but I can STILL bust my brothers!" Shouted Candace as she streaked to the market...

...

Meanwhile, Isabella was coming into Phineas and Ferbs backyard. She wore a swimsuit since she hopped to convince Phineas to go to the pool with her. " Hey Phineas." "Hey Isabella." Said Phineas utterly focused on his work, pulling out a nail gun. "Whatcha doin'?" She asked. "Building a roller coaster." "In your backyard?" "Some of it." "Wow. Isn't that kind of impossible?" "Some might say-

"UGH! Enough of this! Let's see some tears!" Shouted the still invisible Monkey king as he sent his magic forth-

-was gonna go to the pool, you wanna go swim-

 **ZAP!**

"WHOA!? WHAT'S- LOOK OUT ISABELLA!" Shouts Phineas as his nail gun starts to go berserk!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEK!" Shouted Isabella as she tried to dodge-

 **RIP!**

'Tried', being the operative word. "THERE!" Shouts Phineas as he successfully shuts it off, "Huh, that's weird, wonder what- Never mind, Isabella are you- Oh, boy!" Shouts Phineas as he suddenly takes in the sight of his now VERY naked FEMALE friend.

"WHY ME!?" Shouts a mortified Isabella as she (too late) realizes her predicament and covers herself. "SORRY! SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO SEE!" Shouts an embarrassed Phineas as he (also too late) covers his eyes.

Worse, kids had come into the backyard already and were laughing and taking pictures, "DANG! No way that girl is only 12!"

Isabella was in tears, "HEY! STOP THAT! LEAVE HER ALONE!" Shouts an angry Phineas as she steps in front of Isabella shielding her, while Ferb tries to crack the door open to let them inside.

"Uh...bro? I know I usually admire your determination...but maybe we should call it a day?" Asked the normally silent Ferb. Phineas looks down at the sobbing Isabella, and sighs. "I agree", he said firmly...

...

"CANDACE! WHY ARE YOU NAKED!?" Shouted Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher mortified in the cereal aisle. "It's all Phineas and Ferb's fault!" Shouted Candace irritated and embaressed.

Her mom slapped her forehead in disbelief. "Of course it is." She said sardonically. "What- NO, I- GRRRRR! Look mom, I've had a lousy day and the only way I can salvage it is to bust phineas and ferb!"

"Well, I believe that first bit." Said Linda flatly. "Right, whatever! Let's just go to the-

"The only place we're going is to hide your shame! I can't believe I'm even having this conversation!" Before Candace can protest, her mom starts to drag her away while covering her crotch with a cereal box...

"Wait, why aren't you covering my chest too?" "Because there's a good chance people will mistake you for a guy and make it unnecessary- That came out wrong, that came out so VERY wrong." Realized a flustered Linda as Candace looked at her horrified...

...

Later after Linda had rushed her daughter home for clothes to once again find nothing(phineas and Ferb had dismantled everything just in time)...a distraught Candace angrily storms off to bed...while a depressed Phineas and Ferb watches TV...both hoping tommorrow will go more smoothly...also-

"Where's Perry?"

...

Perry the Platypus effortlessly jumped into ***Doofensmirtz evil incorporated*** to see what lame plan Doof had-

 **BANG!**

"NO! NOT PERRY THE PLATYPUS!" Shouted a tied up Doof. Valmont just looked down at the platypus as he struggled to breath, "Dispose of this trash..and bring the good doctors magnet...I can think of several armor car shipments-

"Wait, that's what your going to do with my inator!? Yeesh, talk about no imagination, I-

"TIGER SHUTS MOUTH!" Shouts Hak-Fu as he punched the poor scientist in the throat, silencing as he gagged.

"Boring yes, but practical. And since I've killed all the other agents and kidnapped all the other evil scientists...I think it's high time the tri-state area got a taste of REAL criminals." He said sinisterly.

Tohru wordlessly lifted the scientist over his shoulder as the other minions stole everything in his lab...they throw a still bleeding and struggling for life Perry into the dumpster.

And thus the Dark hand had come to a very unsuspecting Tri-state area...which was about to get a VERY rude wake-up call...

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

**Candance's mad, mad summer**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...

Vanessa walked toward her father's house with a sigh, _"And so it begins...another summer stuck with my crazy, over-protective, Platypus obsessed Evil scientist."_

Vanessa briefly wondered if she could at least convince her mom that her dad was evil...she doubted it...but she didn't really have a whole lot do this summer...so why not? Who knows, maybe she'd get lucky?

She thinks that just as she enters the hallway leading to her dad's 'lair'...with the door broken down. Vanessa rolled her eyes, _"Great, Perry made another mess of the place, and I suppose my dad will want me to help clean up...(sigh)...Oh, well. Might as well get this over with..."_

She quirks her eyebrow a bit when she sees that although the place had been trashed...most of dads stuff seemed to be already cleared out. _"Huh...Dad must've cleaned up early...that's oddly out of character for him..."_ A small grain of concern popped in her head...but she immediately snuffed it out with a shrug, deciding not to question her good fortune and clean up the much smaller then anticipated mess.

She goes down to toss the refuse into the dumpster, pinches her nose as the smell was particularly nasty today, opened it up-

 **PERRY!?**

Vanessa gasped, her fathers best Frenemy was lying in the dumpster bleeding out! Quickly she rushed him inside and tried to make-shift some bandages and a splint...but he was in really bad shape.

She briefly considered taking him to the hospital, but knew the bullet wound would raise questions, it might blow Perry's cover. Then she realized she could just take him to OWCA- dad had her memorize their address in case he ever needed her to drive a doomsday device there -they'd know what to do!

...

Vanessa could only stare in disbelief...OWCA was in ruins. She carried the still bleeding Perry inside, with every step...the damage got worse. Vanessa had no idea what was happening..bit by bit, the usual 'status quo' was being torn down and replaced by...well, she didn't know what but it was scaring her!

She...she never thought she'd say this...but she wished her dad was here! True, he treated her like a frightened, confused and scared little girl...but that's what she felt like right now! And she could REALLY use a hug!

 **beep**

Suddenly a monitor activated, and the familiar face of Carl the intern...was now ragged and bloody. "HELLO! I don't have a lot of time...but if your receiving this message- pauses as gunshots are heard -but OWCA has fallen! I repeat! OWCA has fallen! They call themselves the 'Dark hand'- ducks as an explosion briefly distorts the image -and their taking control of everything! All the evil geniuses have been captured! Major Monogram is dead! The agents- Carl was crying now -they fought as good as they could...but they were too used to fighting idiots like Dr. Doofensmirtz!- "HEY!" Shouted Vannesa, it may have been true, but he shouldn't say it! Especially since he'd been captured -These guys are pro's! Killers! They have GUNS! How did they get guns!? The making, creation, and knowledge of guns has been banned since the 'kid friendly plot device assurance accord' of 1914! Look, never mind if this message gets to anyone, get help! Save us! Save us all! There are these kids, the were Agent P's handlers, the flynn-fletcher boys! They might be able to help! You just-

"ANGRY CROW TAKES FLIGHT!"

And like that...the screen went dark...

Vanessa was BEYOND terrified, only the feeling of Perry's still beating heart against her chest kept her going...but she could tell it was starting to falter...quickly she pleads for him to point the way- it went without saying that the time of secret identities had passed, this was Do or Die -...he gives his usually growl to reassure her...then dose just that...

...

It took awhile, but Perry was able to direct her to his owners house. "It's okay Perry, were almost there, you'll get the medical supplies you need and- Perry grabs her hand and squeezes...gives one more reassuring growl...and then...then he was...he was...

"No! No you can't be gone!" Vanessa tries to shake him awake...but he doesn't wake up...he never will again... Vanessa let out a sob...and fell to her knees as it appropriately rained...

 **ZAP!**

She never saw what hit her...

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


End file.
